Yes, I hate confrontation!! But I’m getting better at not avoiding it – and being gently assertive - especially now I understand that it’s a natural part of a healthy relationship. My dislike of it goes back to when I was a child. My parents never argued or had any verbal confrontation. I remember when I was away at boarding school, I was teased when I told the other kids that my parents didn’t fight. Not only teased, but accused of lying too. It was true, I never heard my parents fight, but of course they must have had disagreements from time to time. They just didn't talk about it. However, I can think back to my mother who used to purse her lips when she was displeased, and so I learned to “listen” for her displeasure and do what I could to avoid it. Many years later, I now know that confrontation is a natural part of life and relationship that, when worked through in a healthy way, can deepen and enhance the relationship. Sometimes speaking your truth means taking the risk that someone else will be disappointed or angry, and that’s OK. Too often we make decisions (or don’t make decisions!) because of our fears of confrontation. This fear causes us to dishonor our truth and our authentic self, taking us further off course. Have you ever explored your own fears of confrontation – how it feels when you’re afraid that someone may be mad at you or, even worse, not like you. Where is this rooted for you? What is your pattern? Do you say “yes” when you mean “no” for fear of another person’s anger or disappointment? Turn the mirror around and notice the dissonance between your actions, words and the inner Truth that you really wish you could verbalize.
How do you begin to change this old pattern that often leaves you feeling uncomfortable and resentful? Simple - Drop into what you know to be True! “What I know to be true is that even though I’m feeling afraid of being clear and direct with another person for fear of confrontation, I will feel empowered if I honor my own Truth, regardless of the outcome.” “WIKTBT is that I am only responsible for my own words and actions, not those of another.” Practice speaking up in small ways with safe people and see how it feels to assert and empower yourself in this way!
Just try it!