Boring your Friends - Living in the Present!

There is no question that the value of living in the present is beyond measure. Living in the present allows us to concentrate our attention on what is happening right here, right now, without distraction from the “what-if’s” and “what could-be’s.” Letting go of unresolved issues of the past or a belief that yesterday was a happier time; letting go of future promises [when I ________ then I will _______], allows us to focus on the here and now. Letting go reinforces the amount of energy directed towards our current actions, interactions and relationships. We can truly hear the voices of others when our minds are not drifting.

Imagine letting go of the worry about the past and projections of the future. What a relief!

The good news is that your family and friends will appreciate your intense focus on their conversation of the moment, your attention to the relationship. The bad news is that they may find you a little more boring than in the past.

Boring because your conversation may no longer include the dramas of last week, those shared stories with their exciting twists and turns. Instead your conversation will be focused on today, right now….and some of that “right now” won’t be interesting news. That might not sound very exciting to the one you’re sharing with especially when we’ve become so used to hearing about and anticipating the shared drama.

However, the benefits received in truly living in the present will far outweigh any disappointments about your ability to entertain friends and family! You will feel calmer, more peaceful, with renewed energy, as your energy won’t be drained away by what already occurred or what is yet to happen.

Accomplishments occur effortlessly when energy is not diverted. The clarity of work and play happens on a whole new level, one that refreshes and renews along the way.

It’s probably one of the greatest challenges, to live in the present, yet when achieved, even if one moment at a time until it becomes a more regular habit, it is difficult to articulate what life feels like. I can only urge you to try it. When you find yourself drifting backwards in time, say to yourself, “What I Know to Be True is that I’m here, I’m now.” When you find yourself dreaming of what you will do upon reaching a goal or accomplishing something down the road, say to yourself, “What I Know to Be True is that I’m here right now and although I see clearly what is on the way, my focus is here and now.”

What We Know to Be True is that magic happens when you live in the present…so let us know how this exercise works for you and what magic happens for you…


Going with the Flow: The art of Living & Loving

Caroline and I had lunch one day as we often do on Tuesdays when she is at her office in Norwalk. At one point she shared how grateful she is to have a circle of friends who don’t take offense easily and who can go with the flow. It had been a weekend where plans were somewhat fluid and having the ability to stop in and visit at leisure or confirm plans at the last minute simply made life easier. Such a wonderful reminder that we tend to make life harder when we have expectations, take things personally, or stay too rigid in the patterns that we love - or at least have learned to be comfortable in. Resentment or hurt feelings based on unrealized expectations can affect a friendship. If we carry around a perceived personal insult the relationship is marginalized. When we feel that a friend didn’t conform to our schedule the irritation can take hold and fester.

Imagine letting go of all that wasted energy. Energy spent on wishing things would be different, taking things so personally, analyzing every nuance of a conversation. Imagine if the energy instead was spent living and loving.

So let’s start by recognizing when we are taking something personally. Stop and ask why that is the case. Is it truly that the other person acted out of dislike or disrespect? Could it be that there were other factors in play? Wouldn’t it be helpful to find out before fostering that personal injury?

Move the energy into recognizing that a friend might just have had a more pressing need, even if the need was for them to just be still. Move the energy into appreciating that our own need can not outweigh the need of our friend. Move the energy into just letting things be.

What I Know to Be True is that when we honor our friends and allow them the space just to be, we release the binds of obligation, the need to deliver, or the requirement to explain or apologize. We can then just live and love.


I See You

Every day we rush around, going to school, to work, doing errands. How often do we really see the people we pass along the way? How often do we even look them in the eye? Or do we scurry by hoping not to engage and thus be deterred from completing our mission in the precious few minutes we’ve allotted? Conversely, have you ever had an experience when you connected with someone you didn’t know, maybe shared a moment’s experience, eyes smiling into theirs, and then walked away filled with the elation of having touched spirit to spirit?

Derived from Sanskrit, the Indian greeting Namaste is often translated as “from the light within me to the light within you.” How beautiful!

And the following excerpt from the blog,, blew me away:

The Zulu greeting, “Sawubona” means “I see you” and the response “Ngikhona” means “I am here.” I love the depth of meaning that African languages carry. Inherent in the Zulu greeting and in the grateful response, is the sense that until you saw me, I didn’t exist. By recognizing me, you brought me into existence. A Zulu folk saying clarifies this, “Umuntu ngumuntu nagabantu“, meaning “A person is a person because of other people.” We are liberated by our connections to our community and when they truly see us, they offer a mirror to our inner selves that allows us to freely connect.

Wow! What a departure from our simple “hello” or “hi”!

For don’t we all just want to be seen for who we really are?! To be seen, not just as a first impression, but as a multi-dimensional human being with many gifts to offer.

Through her artwork our wonderful friend, Antoinette Martignoni, taught us the need and the value of being seen. She shares this on her website

YOU ARE SEEN. Knowing we are seen is to see with new eyes our neighbors as ourselves.

Imagine shifting our perspective to truly see another person in a way that acknowledges who they really are; letting go of the judgments about appearance, accent, intelligence, behavior, and seeing the light that shines from their essence. And when we do, miraculously, they in turn begin to view us through a more accepting, appreciative lens.

As an exercise, next time you are walking along and pass another, silently say, “I see you.” Feel what happens inside. Feel the light that begins to peek out and that grows every time you repeat this experience. Let your light shine and by simply doing so you will unleash the light of others.

Please share any experiences you may have with this exercise – we’d love to hear about it!


My Wish for My Daughter

My husband and I have never been one to rush our children to grow up. The magic of childhood, with the inherent lack of responsibility, the unbridled creativity (when not stifled by well-meaning educators), the un-jaded and excited welcoming of all that life has to offer, is so short-lived that we encouraged our children to retain their youthful perspective as long as possible. Not an easy task in this culture which for some reason encourages us to grow up as quickly as possible. I can’t quite figure it out. Who would want to take on responsibility before they have to? Who would want to give up unscheduled time to relax and dream?

Growing up today seems to be defined by an urgency to get into the job market and become a consumer. I watch the high school population press to dress like adults, rush to drive, work in order to be able to purchase material goods, and take on tasks that would be challenging at any age.

That is not to diminish the many great contributions being made to society and to the global community by teens; in fact I am in awe of what some young people are doing today. But the ones who do it out of passion, rather than to fulfill their community service requirement for college applications, are the ones who actually didn’t rush to grow up. They are the dreamers of what can be, not what is.

Talk to passionate dreamers and you will find people who don’t take “no” for an answer and who get “yes” simply by deigning to ask, like my co-author Caroline’s son, Chris, a college graduate who has been working on a global poverty project that is taking off like a rocket. [see more information below]. These are the kids who are not looking at life as something to be lived in linear fashion: attend college, graduate, get a job, make money, buy a house, marry, have kids, etc. Nothing wrong with that vision but those who are able to think out of the box are the ones who will change the world.

Changing the world requries imagination combined with the ability to co-create with ease. As Einstein said: “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world.” The best way to encourage inspiration is to allow the dreaming to happen. When our kids are over-scheduled and asked to deliver to high expectations in order to fulfill the linear life vision perpetuated by society, we risk losing potential dreamers who can bring new and creative perspectives to a world crying out for just that.

My daughter (who by the way would cringe knowing I’m writing about her) is attending a 5-week program in interdisciplinary arts, including dance, theater, African drumming, poetry, visual arts, song-writing, playwriting, photography and film, along with leadership training. The ultimate mission of the program is to create new advocates for the arts, much needed ambassadors for the dwindling funding of these programs.

In the application essay for the program, she wrote, “My theater teacher once told me that the reason musicals exist is because when someone can’t express their feelings through words, they sing and when singing still can’t fully express how they feel, they dance. For me, dancing truly is the ultimate form of self-expression and over the years it has helped me get through anything, even by choreographing pieces to that perfect song in my head.”

Creativity is healing on many levels, for the individual and for the world, and I am so pleased that my daughter has embraced her creative path at this critical time in her life.

So, my wish for my daughter is that she never stop dreaming and creating, never stop being silly and finding the humor in life, in fact never stop giggling (as Caroline and I are known to break into fits of), and never rush to become a “mature adult” with the inherent seriousness that growing up implies.


[To learn more about Chris Temple's extraordinary project, please check out and be sure to “Like” it on facebook to help them raise money!]




Take a look inside

How many times have you heard phrases like “the answers lie within” or been guided to “listen to your inner wisdom?” Yet we continue to seek those answers outside ourselves, time and time again, projecting our intolerable feelings onto others, blaming and acting out those emotions we think we can’t handle. I did just that this week, taking out my own uncomfortable feelings on my poor husband, until - thank goodness – I eventually realized what I was doing, paused and changed direction (but not until after I had caused some damage!) In the moment of being triggered, it’s counterintuitive to turn towards the painful feelings – after all, we want to get away from them and give them to someone else! The paradox is that, by turning towards them within us and acknowledging their existence with compassion, we are able to find relief. It is not WHAT happens to us, but rather how we RESPOND to what happens, that determines our experiences. How cool! We are actually in charge of creating an easier experience or relationship! I also think about the numerous times my darling mother would say “live for today and tomorrow will take care of itself.” Isn’t that the same as saying “be present” and “trust” that the rest will unfold? She was wise. It’s simple, yet we make it so very complicated with our desire to control every outcome. She would also say, “treat others as you would want them to treat you.” Again, isn’t this the practice of compassion and kindness? Simple, simple, simple (but, as we say in our book, What I Know to Be True, not easy.)

And it all begins with an awareness that we’re straying, made clear by the icky feelings we get when do so, followed by that magical “pause” before turning inward, with compassion for ourselves and others, and making the necessary changes – in our words, actions or deeds. And if the feelings are just too painful, we can use images or imagery to just “be,” ground ourselves and breathe through the moment. It will pass.

Take a look, won’t you? Wishing you a wonderful week, from my heart to yours.

~ Caroline ~

Tao Girl Guest Blog...

Friend, author, and founder of all things empowering, CJ Golden posted one of our earlier blogs as a guest blog on her site Please visit and check out the stimulating blog reader comments: Then be sure to explore CJ's website with all that it has to offer. She is committed to improving the self-esteem and self-worth of girls and women wherever she goes and we are so proud to support her in her endeavors. Author of the books The Tao of the Defiant Woman and Tao-Girls Rule!, CJ defies the stereotypical grandmother and is a powerhouse of energy and positivity! You just may find yourself wanting to be part of her community! Thank you, CJ, for all that you do and all that you are! With great appreciation, Lisa & Caroline  


Whose Life are We Living?

We spend the first half of our lives being indoctrinated into a way of being - how to think, behave, fit in. We then spend the second half of our lives living with the consequences of following the crowd. From the time we are infants we are receiving input from our parents and caregivers about our safety, our self-worth, our emotional peace. And while this is not about placing blame or shirking one's own responsibility for becoming our own person, it is about creating a keen awareness of when we are making decisions or living our lives based on outside influences.

Do we unconsciously behave in a way intended to make us feel superior, win approval, or conversely to rebel against the norm? Do we unconsciously dress, work, play, based upon an image of a life defined by the commercial advertising world?

Our health may be compromised as we try to live a life defined by others. Our emotional state of well being may be riddled with anxiety based on not living up to the expectations of others.

Isn’t it time to step into who we really are and do it now?! Pay attention to the decision or action of the moment. Does it make you feel better? Is that better feeling based upon what others think? Or is that better feeling based upon an inner alignment that tells you all is right with the world?

It may be hard to differentiate at first. The feeling inside of you that can only be defined by yourself and not by others has so long been hidden away that it’s often unrecognizable. As with all progress it begins with incremental steps. Just notice. The more you notice the more you will start to tap in to the true origin of the feeling.

Using the words What I Know to Be True will allow you to tap into that place more and more easily to determine if you are in alignment with your own Truth. Practice. Practice. Practice. Each and every time you catch yourself reacting, deciding, behaving by default, you will be that much closer to living the life that is yours and yours alone.


I hate confrontation!

Yes, I hate confrontation!!  But I’m getting better at not avoiding it – and being gently assertive - especially now I understand that it’s a natural part of a healthy relationship.  My dislike of it goes back to when I was a child.  My parents never argued or had any verbal confrontation.  I remember when I was away at boarding school, I was teased when I told the other kids that my parents didn’t fight.  Not only teased, but accused of lying too.  It was true, I never heard my parents fight, but of course they must have had disagreements from time to time.  They just didn't talk about it.  However, I can think back to my mother who used to purse her lips when she was displeased, and so I learned to “listen” for her displeasure and do what I could to avoid it.   Many years later, I now know that confrontation is a natural part of life and relationship that, when worked through in a healthy way, can deepen and enhance the relationship.   Sometimes speaking your truth means taking the risk that someone else will be disappointed or angry, and that’s OK. Too often we make decisions (or don’t make decisions!) because of our fears of confrontation.  This fear causes us to dishonor our truth and our authentic self, taking us further off course.  Have you ever explored your own fears of confrontation – how it feels when you’re afraid that someone may be mad at you or, even worse, not like you.  Where is this rooted for you?  What is your pattern?  Do you say “yes” when you mean “no” for fear of another person’s anger or disappointment?  Turn the mirror around and notice the dissonance between your actions, words and the inner Truth that you really wish you could verbalize.

How do you begin to change this old pattern that often leaves you feeling uncomfortable and resentful?  Simple - Drop into what you know to be True!  “What I know to be true is that even though I’m feeling afraid of being clear and direct with another person for fear of confrontation, I will feel empowered if I honor my own Truth, regardless of the outcome.”  “WIKTBT is that I am only responsible for my own words and actions, not those of another.”  Practice speaking up in small ways with safe people and see how it feels to assert and empower yourself in this way!

Just try it!


We Don't All Have to Be Oprah! (or even get on "Oprah")

There’s a great scene in the movie Field of Dreams when Kevin Costner’s character challenges Burt Lancaster’s, a baseball player who never reached the major league and instead became a small-town doctor: “Fifty years ago, for five minutes you came within…you came this close. It would KILL some men to get so close to their dream and not touch it. God, they’d consider it a tragedy.” Lancaster’s Archie “Moonlight” Graham replies, “Son, if I’d only gotten to be a doctor for five minutes…now that would have been a tragedy.”

There’s a lot of conversation these days about the universal need for each of us to step into who we really are. How we should follow our passion, follow our bliss, and then all will be right with our world.

Great advice. Not always so easy to follow.

Perhaps part of the reason is that as a society we have come to equate stepping into our power with stepping into the limelight. Our celebrity-driven culture places tremendous emphasis on being front and center, being able to wow the crowd, be as visible as possible, speak intelligently and articulately in front of an audience, motivate others.

But all types of energies are required to make the world flourish And not all of them need to be Oprah!

So, follow your heart, wherever it leads, and if it doesn’t lead you into the spotlight, be like Archie Graham and cherish that path for what it is, where it takes you, and how it touches others along the way.


Let it Be, Let it Be, Let it Be, Let it Be.....

In preparing myself to record the guided meditations we have been offering, I am given the confirmation of the freedom that comes from knowing, trusting and living in my Truth. Not only to trust that each meditation will be “right” just as it is, for whoever listens to it, but to give up my ego’s desire for perfection. It is another opportunity to quiet my ego mind and drop back into the truth of my spirit, my essence. I have handed it over, as it were, and found that each meditation has been channeled to me effortlessly. The Beatles sang about it in their hit song, LET IT BE…. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be There will be an answer, let it be Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

If you are mindful and present today – or any day – you will doubtless find many such opportunities where the ego tries to take over by questioning whether or not you did something “right.” I have started just gently acknowledging it and saying “thank you and goodbye,” before returning to the space of allowing things to just “be.” The simple steps remain the same – cultivate your awareness of the feelings that tell you that you are out of alignment with your True authentic Self; trust that your Truth will guide you wisely and perfectly, and make the necessary course correction so you can live in your Truth more readily and often. Listen to What I Know to Be True meditations on, search whatiknowtobetrue.

~ Caroline


Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, just PAUSE for a moment and take a breath. Feel what it’s like to just be in the space in between for a moment or two, to freeze the frame, as it were. Learning to pause is one of the most important tools you can use to surf the waves of discomfort, anxiety and urges to “do” more.Try it; just PAUSE and observe yourself in the present. You can train yourself not to turn life into one big emergency by learning to surf the waves of challenge in your life. After all, we don’t really have a choice because THIS moment is actually the only one we can ever really be in – so every effort spent trying to be in the future (or the past) is wasted energy! But it’s natural to want to be some place else because the present is sometimes uncomfortable.

The practice of What I know to be True will help you ground in the present and tap you into the still space of your heart wisdom, whatever storm is raging outside. Using that wisdom, you can choose a different response to the external pain.

Here are 10 tips to help you feel more grounded:

1. Quiet your internal system. Avoid stimulants, excessive sugar and exposure to news. Avoid stimulants that cause you anxiety and cause the release of stress hormones. Gravitate towards people, places and things that calm you.

2. Practice observing your breath. Be in awe of it – it is your life, after all, for without it, we are no longer alive.

3. Practice breathing from deep in the belly. When anxious or worried, you tend to breathe more quickly and shallowly from the upper chest instead of the belly. Belly breathing helps to calm your nervous system and reduce the release of stress hormones.

4. Engage in aerobic exercise which can reduce anxiety by increasing serotonin and dopamine, the calming neurotransmitters.

5. Body work, such as massage, reiki, acupuncture will help to reconnect you with your body and ground you.

6. Change your thinking.

7. Seek the bigger picture/the bigger meaning. Zoom out of your life from time to time to get a new perspective.

8. Be in the now. Bring your attention back to the present moment. This gives you the opportunity to stop, observe and choose an action that will help you IN THIS MOMENT.

9. Meditate to find the calm inside at a deeper level of awareness and knowing. Seek what you know to be true, not what others say is true for you.

10. Cultivate your awareness by recognizing your own early warning signs - physical, mental and emotional. Use the power of the pause to practice mindfulness and attune yourself to your authentic, wise self.

And remember to use the practice of What I Know to Be True as often as you can!

If I don't know where I'm going, how am I going to get there?

I was perusing through Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book “Wherever I Go, There I Am” and got to thinking.  My next thought was, if I don’t know where I’m going, how am I ever going to get there?  I don’t know about you, but it was many years before I learned how to observe myself and be mindful of what was happening to me.  Before that, I wasn’t really aware of my natural internal compass or GPS that always guides me back “on course” if I just trust it – and that is my Inner Truth, not the "rules" that were set out for me by others. Think of a plane that is setting course for a flight from New York to LA – the course is programmed into the computer, but along the way the pilot makes adjustments according to wind and weather, air traffic etc.  This is a metaphor for life – making adjustments according to outside factors that effect and often change or upset our plans.  We often allow ourselves to get buffeted about by those outside forces, feel out of control and forget to gently steer ourselves back on course.  But we have to know what “on course” feels like in order to come back to it.  “Course” to me has become that place of knowing, of being at one with myself, of congruence and alignment between what I say, think, feel and do – that place of Truth deep within.  Practice helps us to know it.

It’s so much easier to correct your course if you know where you’re going, and to do that, you have to be aware of your own GPS, or Truth, that is known only to you.  What I Know to Be True will help you become familiar with your destination and will act as your own personal GPS to navigate the outside weather and correct your course again.  It will teach you the awareness you need to know your Truth, trust your Truth, and live by it.

~ Caroline ~

Black Tux with White Sneakers

My father wore white sneakers with his black tux to my sister’s wedding. They were brand new, bright white sparkling clean sneakers, but they were sneakers. And he looked great. He was teaching us, as he often did through example, that we should always be our own person. “You’re the only one who has to put your head on the pillow each night,” he would say. Such great advice, so hard to follow! We are so conditioned to live by the precepts of others. What to do, what to wear, what to say, how to behave. Wouldn’t it be such a relief if we were able to stop worrying about what others think, stop trying so hard to change ourselves in order to gain acceptance, and start living as who we really are?!

This morning, rather than attend to the very lengthy to-do list that calls to me each day, my husband and I went for a roller-blade at the beach. In the past I would have first addressed those things that I “should do” before allowing myself to do something for the sheer pleasure of it.

Today, the weather was clear and cool, the water calm and sparkling, and spending time with my husband while exercising and stimulating my energy flow started the day off perfectly. Now, back at my desk, I am able to focus on the “have-to’s” effortlessly.

[While we were out my husband found a $10 bill in the grass. It’s the small miracles that happen when we allow ourselves to step out of our boundaries and explore.]

Don’t you just feel better when you follow your own way of Being? Try it. A little each day. Find one little thing where you can rebel against the norm – not in a way that is inconsiderate to yourself or others of course – but one little thing that you can adjust in your daily life which better reflects who you are.

Tune into something that you continue to do by habit because your mother taught you to do it that way, your peers expected it of you, your work place dictated it to you. Find that one little thing and shift it. The next week find one other little thing and shift that. Before you know it you’ll be shifting more effortlessly into a way of being that expresses the true you, the you whose heart sings, not the you who has learned how to get along in this world by fulfilling the expectations of others.

Wouldn’t it be a most fabulous world if everyone could express themselves in a way that honored their true selves and we could each appreciate that true self for who they/we are, not who we think they/we should be.

The practice of What I Know to Be True helps you confirm and nourish your inner power so you can live without the approval or blessing of another. Embrace your True self each and every day. Honor and express your own Truth each and every day. You will transform!  ~Lisa

The Sound of Silence

My brother-in-law lives in an old Quaker meetinghouse in the heart of the English countryside, so yesterday I decided to attend a meeting for the first time. I was struck by the simplicity of the gathering – really more like a meditation. I believe it differs from meditation in its group vs individual energy of connection. The meetings are considered a place for connection to each other, one’s inner truth and integrity, love and compassion for your fellow people and a place to connect with God in silence and quiet. During the hour of silence, 2 or 3 people shared a short reading or reflection. There was no discussion of what was shared – it was just a place to “be” with what was shared and for each person to take away whatever resonated. I was struck by the energy of the love that I felt in this shared place of reflection, much as I do when meditating in a group. I was also struck by some of the words that were shared – “a softening of ourselves, a blending, a contrast between light and dark, silence and sound, the release and acceptance of ourselves as we are IN THE PRESENT, not as we were or as we will be. The invitation was offered to allow the experience to unfold in the silence, without analysis.

I couldn’t ignore the similarity to What I Know to Be True’s invitation to cultivate awareness through mindfulness and meditation, by tapping into a deeper connection with ourselves and the universe at large, listening for that inner wisdom in the silence.   ~Caroline

What I Know to Be True: Six Simple Words to Set You Free

What I Know to Be True is a book, a practice, a way of life. In its simplest form, it is a simple 6-step tool or technique that cuts through the layers of emotion, ego thoughts and old patterns and beliefs to tap into the essence of who we really are. Instead of focusing on “how” or “why” (“out there” stories that we tell ourselves are true) or being driven by our negative emotions, it acts as a direct short cut to Source, consciousness, or what we’re calling Truth, your Truth (“in here” knowledge).

With practice and repetition, and as your practice deepens, you will find more and more that you are living your life effortlessly from a clear, true place of heart wisdom, the only place that matters if we REALLY want to change our experience of being alive. The result? A happier, more peaceful you, who can tap into calm weather even in the face of major storms.